2018/11/10

It has been oh-so long a time since I have been here.I would love to say that I will be here more often, but, well... promises are best unsaid. Hmm...?

I went to my Home Group last night. I popped my name into the basket to share about an experience I had a long long time ago about Tradition 11. 
Say what??
Tradition 11:
"Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films."

Yadda.

I sat. I waited. I listened. I Learned!! I never got the opportunity to share my ESH on Tradition 11.

But. But... I got the amazing opportunity to hear some of the most amazing sharing I have heard at a meeting in years! Fuck, YEARS, yeah!!

I adjusted my anticipated share to include the utter Gratitude I was feeling. For my Home Group, for being a part of Recovery in Narcotics Anonymous, for NA as a whole AND to be alive & clean today because of NA.

I'm not going to regale you of that miniscule iota I wanted to share. Suffice to say that I was so overwhelmed by the sharing of all the members who spoke... well, my words would have meant nothing. Well, yeah, someone may have gotten something... but, I digress.

Remember. It is all about me? Right?! Even tho' I did not get the chance to say what I wanted to say, I was totally grounded in what I have been doing for the past JFTs to the point of utter... what? WOW?

Narcotics Anonymous has kept me alive for a very long time. My efforts in staying clean and living the 12 Steps of NA has shown me what I need to do. I have found a way out. It happens to be (& eff you, traditionalists!! hehe, which I consider myself to be one!!)... Narcotics Anonymous!

Even with the decisions I face today, the life I need to incorporate today and the fact that I am still alive & clean today... I am grateful.

I mean, fuck, I sure as heck would "not"  be who I be today if not for what NA has given me. Some may not agree, but still, I Am Alive! Thank You, NA!!!

Keep The Faith*

2018/08/08

I Am Tired

That phrase? "Sick and tired of being sick and tired"??

Me. In a nutshell. I try to do my best in this world. Follow the rules. Speak the truth, to my best ability. Let the powers that be know what is going on in my life.


My ass is truly beginning to hurt. I have been fucked far too many times by those very same powers that be. And I try, oh-so hard, to be grateful for all that I am offered. But, when the offerings become more and more butt-fucking, well... I tend to become combative.

I am utterly ready and willing to toss in the towel. I have no more fight left in me. Indeed, the urge to growl and snarl and scream bloody murder is very much a part of my psyche today. It's just that I know that anything... everything!! I do or say will be ignored. Trashed. Thrown under the bus. At least, I still have my Presto card to take me to those a-fore mentioned powers and... what? Cry boo-hoo? Tell them what for?? Threaten to......

Yeah, no matter what I say or do, I am fucked. Right here and now, or maybe two months or two years down the road, I am fucked. And I am utterly tired of being fucked by unknown and invisible entities that claim to be... what the fuck are they claiming to be??


Ah, right. My sore ass. They are the dicks who want to fuck and destroy anyone who does not conform utterly and totally to their strict regime of "Do what WE say!" or else we will change the rules to force you to your knees.

Yeah, not only is my ass sore, but my knees are taking a fucking beating also. I Am Tired. Tired of conforming. Tired of being honest. Tired of bending over and saying...
yes.  please, sir, i want some more...
Idiots. which includes yours truly...

Keep The Faith*

2018/07/18

Welcome to the European Union!

Welcome to anyone from the EU who might just be reading my Blogg! It is oh-so good to see you here!!


Now, it is time for my rant. Fuck all of you governmental and intrusive legal watch-dogs in the European Union for making my life on this Interweb an utter pain.

I had to put up a "warning" on my website (robbsplace.net) to advise, ostensibly, anyone from the EU that I don't use fucking cookies on my website. And then, because I couldn't check the Google-ite monstrosity that hosts this blogg and stated they put up a cookie warning, well... I had to find and create a script to advise you fine regular folk of Google's intrusion in your lives. As if you didn't know that already...

The bitch of all that is that I have no idea if my creations and / or wordings are legally correct. Mayhap, I will receive a visit from Interpol advising of my transgressions. Which would be cool, since I might get meself an all expense-paid trip to Lyon, France. Woo-fucking-hoo.

There we go. All done whining. Not much more for me to do but to sit back and see if my travails were worth the effort.

Yeah, well, it would be nice to go to bed and SLEEP!

Keep The Faith*

2018/06/11

To Sleep...

perchance to..... sleep??

Ah yes, another early morning awake. I went to bed relatively early (23:00), but had an odd-ball dream that woke me up. I went to the loo to do my business and back to bed, still tired. But, the ol' brain was in high gear, wondering incessantly about this, that and, naturally, the other thing about that very same dream that woke me... and my brain.

Shazbat! So, I turned on the computer. And, of course, spent a half hour wandering thru FB before coming here. Here was my first intention and yet...

Heck, no wonder I don't sleep or find it hard to stay asleep! I am just SO easily distracted!!
- - - ooooo, squirrel!! - - -

Keep The Faith*

2018/06/08

Remember

That can mean so many different things. Remember my past, where I came from, where I've been, what I have done. Remember why I am here today, the travails I went thru to get here and my gratitude for being here.

Right now, I want to remember the meeting at my HG tonight. And my meeting last night. On both occasions, also remembering the Insanity I spoke of last time, I really didn't want to be at either meeting. I just wanted to stay at home and try to figure out just what the fuck is going on in my life that makes me want to isolate.

Yet, at both meetings... just by being there and talking to my friends, listening to them and hearing what they were doing in life or Recovery... I was happy. Happy to be amongst those I love and care for, and just to BE!

After last night's meeting, I got home and promptly forgot that good and happy feeling I had. Today I was smacked by the foibles that my diabetes tends to toss at me with no apparent reason. Low blood sugars when I haven't done anything physically (or emotionally!) to bring them on. I even got smacked with an insulin reaction just before tonight's HG, after taking far less insulin before supper than usual and... yeah.

It's a conspiracy, I tell ya! A Conspiracy!! Hehe, but no. Anyway, I just wanted to put down here in words that I can read later on just to remind me, to Remember, how good I felt. Heck, still feel!! And that, my friends, is a good remember when!!

Keep The Faith*