2018/08/08

I Am Tired

That phrase? "Sick and tired of being sick and tired"??

Me. In a nutshell. I try to do my best in this world. Follow the rules. Speak the truth, to my best ability. Let the powers that be know what is going on in my life.


My ass is truly beginning to hurt. I have been fucked far too many times by those very same powers that be. And I try, oh-so hard, to be grateful for all that I am offered. But, when the offerings become more and more butt-fucking, well... I tend to become combative.

I am utterly ready and willing to toss in the towel. I have no more fight left in me. Indeed, the urge to growl and snarl and scream bloody murder is very much a part of my psyche today. It's just that I know that anything... everything!! I do or say will be ignored. Trashed. Thrown under the bus. At least, I still have my Presto card to take me to those a-fore mentioned powers and... what? Cry boo-hoo? Tell them what for?? Threaten to......

Yeah, no matter what I say or do, I am fucked. Right here and now, or maybe two months or two years down the road, I am fucked. And I am utterly tired of being fucked by unknown and invisible entities that claim to be... what the fuck are they claiming to be??


Ah, right. My sore ass. They are the dicks who want to fuck and destroy anyone who does not conform utterly and totally to their strict regime of "Do what WE say!" or else we will change the rules to force you to your knees.

Yeah, not only is my ass sore, but my knees are taking a fucking beating also. I Am Tired. Tired of conforming. Tired of being honest. Tired of bending over and saying...
yes.  please, sir, i want some more...
Idiots. which includes yours truly...

Keep The Faith*

2018/07/18

Welcome to the European Union!

Welcome to anyone from the EU who might just be reading my Blogg! It is oh-so good to see you here!!


Now, it is time for my rant. Fuck all of you governmental and intrusive legal watch-dogs in the European Union for making my life on this Interweb an utter pain.

I had to put up a "warning" on my website (robbsplace.net) to advise, ostensibly, anyone from the EU that I don't use fucking cookies on my website. And then, because I couldn't check the Google-ite monstrosity that hosts this blogg and stated they put up a cookie warning, well... I had to find and create a script to advise you fine regular folk of Google's intrusion in your lives. As if you didn't know that already...

The bitch of all that is that I have no idea if my creations and / or wordings are legally correct. Mayhap, I will receive a visit from Interpol advising of my transgressions. Which would be cool, since I might get meself an all expense-paid trip to Lyon, France. Woo-fucking-hoo.

There we go. All done whining. Not much more for me to do but to sit back and see if my travails were worth the effort.

Yeah, well, it would be nice to go to bed and SLEEP!

Keep The Faith*

2018/06/11

To Sleep...

perchance to..... sleep??

Ah yes, another early morning awake. I went to bed relatively early (23:00), but had an odd-ball dream that woke me up. I went to the loo to do my business and back to bed, still tired. But, the ol' brain was in high gear, wondering incessantly about this, that and, naturally, the other thing about that very same dream that woke me... and my brain.

Shazbat! So, I turned on the computer. And, of course, spent a half hour wandering thru FB before coming here. Here was my first intention and yet...

Heck, no wonder I don't sleep or find it hard to stay asleep! I am just SO easily distracted!!
- - - ooooo, squirrel!! - - -

Keep The Faith*

2018/06/08

Remember

That can mean so many different things. Remember my past, where I came from, where I've been, what I have done. Remember why I am here today, the travails I went thru to get here and my gratitude for being here.

Right now, I want to remember the meeting at my HG tonight. And my meeting last night. On both occasions, also remembering the Insanity I spoke of last time, I really didn't want to be at either meeting. I just wanted to stay at home and try to figure out just what the fuck is going on in my life that makes me want to isolate.

Yet, at both meetings... just by being there and talking to my friends, listening to them and hearing what they were doing in life or Recovery... I was happy. Happy to be amongst those I love and care for, and just to BE!

After last night's meeting, I got home and promptly forgot that good and happy feeling I had. Today I was smacked by the foibles that my diabetes tends to toss at me with no apparent reason. Low blood sugars when I haven't done anything physically (or emotionally!) to bring them on. I even got smacked with an insulin reaction just before tonight's HG, after taking far less insulin before supper than usual and... yeah.

It's a conspiracy, I tell ya! A Conspiracy!! Hehe, but no. Anyway, I just wanted to put down here in words that I can read later on just to remind me, to Remember, how good I felt. Heck, still feel!! And that, my friends, is a good remember when!!

Keep The Faith*

2018/06/07

Define

Sanity
Insanity

Do I have either one? Am I either one? Both?

I talk of the multiple hamster wheels in my head. Tonight, today... this MORNING!! I feel like my head is physically rolling around in muck and slime. Tumbling, falling, soaring...

Fucking insane. So fucking insane I feel...... what? Just what is it that I feel? Confusion? Question mark and question marks. So many freaking questions that I don't even know what the fuck they are! Questions about answers that are not known or even there.

Do you see it? Read that previous paragraph again, like I just did. Do you see it?? Read it and tell me wtf I said, or what I mean. Tell ME!! I doubt you can. I can't.

This is the idiotic mumbo-jumbo that is rattling my thoughts. Feelings? I don't know what that is anymore.

Life is good. I KNOW that! I can just look around... well, not around my apartment. Dishes languishing in my sink. Dirt & dust & crinkly grey whiskers on my floor. I did a big laundry load yesterday. Still more to do. I set up my aquarium, ready for me to go out and catch some fishies to put in it. I don't want to do more laundry. I don't want to do those dishes. I don't want to vacuum those crinkly white hairs & dust on the floor.

I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do this recovery shyte any more. I don't want to do that fucking service, that "giving back" any more. I don't want to do anything. Just stay locked up in my apartment and watch Netflix. Thank the gods that I have a shit load of gigs to use with my Internet service.

Naw, I don't even want to continue typing away here. I just had to get up from bed because my head was going to roll away from me and try to hide from the insanity. I mean... well, shit...

Sanity? 
Insanity?
You decide. I can't. I'm too fucking crazy to even contemplate such a thing.

Keep The Faith*