Jesus H mofo kee-rist! To sit for 10 fucking hours with barely a sentence or two between us, I decide to go to bed. Half a fucking hour later, when I am just hitting REM, the bedroom door opens, the fucking light comes on and I get asked the question "Are you not coming back?"

Scared the fuck outa me, pissed me off, and now... And Now, I can't go back to fucking sleep. And the questions! Like:
"Who were you talking to yesterday?" - - I wasn't even here yesterday. wtf??
"What did you mean when you said, 'It's all screwed'?" - - What? Like, what??!!

And I lose it. In no uncertain terms, and (amazingly), without raising my voice, I said I'd just gotten to sleep, you come barging into my room to ask questions about gods know what... and all I wanna do is go back to fucking sleep and you can ask me all the questions you want tomorrow. Turn off the light  and close the door.

Five minutes later... that is FIVE FUCKING MINUTES later... the door opens, again, and the light comes on, Again, and he says, "I just wanted to..." 
And I lose it.

"Shut the fucking door and PLEASE let me get back to sleep!!"

And the rest is history. My brain has decided to start running at FTL, warp factor 7.
I. Was. Asleep.
I. Was. Comfortable.
Now, I'm fried awake. I'm irritable.
And, I want a cigarette. I'm buying a pack tomorrow because I want a drink more than I want a smoke.

I'm really not cut out for this bullshit. I want to help, to be of help... but all this is making me insane and utterly trashing my recovery. 

And this fucking Blogger continues to fuck up on my on my iPad. I dunno. Maybe I'll suck on a couple more mg of melatonin, change my sleep sounds and waves, and, well, I just don't fucking know...

Keep The Faith*

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