I can't sleep, and for once, I really don't care. My brain is ripping thru the myriad of thoughts and ideas and whatevers that it simply Loves to do at this time of night... morning... yeah, you know...
The reason this time is because of what happened earlier tonight, yesterday, well, yeah, you know. I went to my Home Group meeting. It was a celebration for one member. As I was doing my service as greeter, this member asked me if I would be the speaker.
--- For those who don't know, a speaker shares their experience... well, geez, if you don't know, go to my website and look for the Recovery section, k? ---
Anyways, I was rather floored by the request. One, because I barely knew the guy. And two, I hadn't shared my story in a very VERY long time. But, being self-centered and egotistical (plus I love hearing my own voice!), I said yes.
I shared about my recovery, the ups and the downs. As I prattled on, I began to feel something I hadn't felt for quite some time. Passion. Love. Desire. All about recovery. MY recovery. And I wanted to let everyone at that meeting feel it, too! If not just for them to know my own feeling, but to get them to feel the same.
If I succeeded, I don't know. I received the standard Thanks from many people. Most of them actually, truly, meant it. I could see it in their eyes, hear it in their voices. So, I suppose I had some kind of success. There was only one person at that meeting who knew me and my recovery from all the way back to the late eighties, so most folk were, "I never knew that about you."
Such as such, that meeting was very therapeutic for me (I actually said at the end of my spiel that it was "cathartic", but had to qualify that by saying I had no idea wtf cathartic meant. It just seemed to fit! I was told later that therapeutic would've worked, also... 😊, shoulda known, eh!) The WOW Again part actually came after the meeting.
I went out into the parking lot to chat with other members before heading off to catch my bus home. I spoke with one fellow for a while about his recovery, his fears and worries, and he listened to my suggestions. Did it help? Je ne sais pas. I do know that he gave me a sincere smile when he left, so... Then, I went to someone else. There were others around and we all bandied words back & forth. A laugh, a joke, and another laugh.
Finally, there was just two of us. This member was new to Ottawa, but not to our Fellowship. We talked a lot of recovery... about what we have seen, the wonders of being clean, the horrors that addiction can do to even the best of us... we talked!
It finally came time to say good-bye. That was a bit drawn out, like we were both caught up in the same feeling / connection and really didn't want it to end. He asked if I wanted a ride. I refused, knowing that my bus home was just 2 blocks away and besides..... I looked at my watch and it was ten to midnight! We had jabbered on for TWO hours! I still said that I was OK and I knew my bus ran until just after one in the morning.
Didja read my entry called "WOW"? This was almost the same thing. The only difference was the first was with someone I've known for many years and the other was with someone I literally met two weeks ago. But, wow! Time flies when you're having fun. Plus, I enjoyed both of those convos. For the chance to talk AND for the connection! Wow...
Not only that, when I got home (around 1:00 a.m.), there was a message for me on my phone. A friend had called to tell me that he was feeling ill and wouldn't be at the meeting. He also said that he would like to have me on his "ball team" and was calling to ask if I was interested. I've never cottoned on to the "ball team" aspect in my own recovery, but, well, I had a heckuva time just trying to remember who the frell this person was!
I kinda sorta recognized the voice, but with him being sick and me having never ever spoken to him on the phone before, well, it took me a while. I did finally plunk it down to one person and once again, Wow! I never expected that! To be called to say that he wasn't going to be at the meeting (Me! He called ME!!) AND to be asked to... well, lemme say, to be a part of his recovery was... WOW! I still have to get back to him, but, Hell Yeah!! (btw, I've known him for a long time, also!!) Wow...
So. Why can't I sleep? Because my poor, little brain was, IS! having a tough time processing all that has gone down in the past nine hours or so. TMI. TMI ! ! Still, at least for this one time, I don't give a frell why I can't get to sleep. It's all good, man! It's All Good!!
Keep The Faith*