I went to my Thursday meeting tonight. My usual service... opening the facility, getting the literature out, setting up the coffee and readying the tables & chairs. Same old, same old for the past few months.
However, last week 4 (Four!) other members showed up! And tonight's meeting had 6 (SIX!). And that doesn't include yours truly. After several weeks of maybe one other person making an appearance -- which made for some amazing Recovery talk! -- I think I was feeling, what? Resentful?? about showing up and hoping for a turnout greater than two.
Well, last week, I was feeling quite giddy at the meeting. Like a kid in a candy store with dad's platinum credit card! I repeated myself ad nauseum about my Gratitude for those who showed up. I Was Truly Grateful!!
When I got home last week, I felt this tug, a twinge, in my gut. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't angry. I wasn't lonely. I was tired, so I thought to look at that as the cause for my... hehe... dis-ease.
It turned out, after rummaging thru my ever-stocked larder of emotions, I was actually feeling disappointed that so many people had made an appearance.
A couple of months ago, I had a thought that if members don't show up and it comes around to the end of June (which would be the group's 2 year anniversary), I was thinking of doing the unthinkable and shutting the meeting down.
Yup, that "twinge" in my gut was the kernel of a resentment. Today's JFT mediation reading was about daily inventory. I realized that was precisely what I did one week ago. An inventory. And it took me a whole week, plus getting the meeting ready, plus having seven members in attendance (me too!) and feeling giddy all over again to realize that I am still Living my recovery instead of just Working it!
My, my. It's Possible!!
Keep The Faith*