Cynical & Disillusioned

I have pulled back from all service. All meaning ALL. The closest I come to any type of service is to simply show up at a meeting. Mind you, I still seem to be opening and closing my Thursday night meeting, but that is mostly because I am first to arrive and last to leave because I don't want to wait outside for my bus, so...

Why have I pulled back? One, because my sponsor made a very strong suggestion to do so and just focus on my own recovery. Two, because he, another member and myself saw/realized that I had become cynical about service and  I was also disillusioned with things that were occurring in my Area.

Cases in point:
> My history with service in my Area seems to make me a "target" for answers. "Ask Robb. He'll know!" I don't want to be the go-to guy. I heard a few times that this is a We program, not an I  one. Thus, I became (am!) cynical about it all.
> I have seen and heard of things happening at groups that have, well... disgusted me. 
- One group banned  a member because of violent behavior. This flies in the face of Tradition 3 and its tenet of having but one requirement for membership. If they had an issue, it would have been a simple matter of contacting the facility or the police. But, to not allow someone into a meeting?
- Another group (& this is a tough one for me to argue) will not allow someone to celebrate clean time if they are on drug replacement therapy (DRT). Yeah, we talk about "substitute one drug for another", but DRT is controlled by a doctor and prescribed by a doctor. I can understand not allowing a member on a DRT to not hold a service position, but if they are working the Steps, have a home group and a sponsor... well, that defines clean time to me.

Blah blah blah. And yadda. The recovery I have been taught and live today works. For me. It is truly unfortunate that I have the viewpoints I do, but they are  mine! I haven't spoken to anyone in my local Fellowship about this, even tho' a couple of members have (once again) elicited my 'opinion' on both of my examples.

Yes, I am cynical. Yes, I am disillusioned. With it all, because of it all. Heck, I don't even share at meetings anymore just to ensure that those two things that currently reside in me do not come spewing forth.

"Opinions are like assholes. We all have them and some of them stink."
Do mine? Perhaps, but I do feel a strong belief in them and a passion. So, I will simply continue my merry way down this path I now tread and try desperately to not commit a homicide in the meantime! 😜

Keep The Faith*

[Edit] I went to two celebrations today. The first was a 35 year celebration. The second was for a 1 year! I haven't done two meetings in a day in like, forever.
They showed me that recovery does  work!
And the fun thing was that they happened at the same groups I mentioned above! Ain't that a treat!!

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